Congratulations! Your paper submitted yesterday has been accepted for publication in our next issue. As you know, our journal is ranked in the top 1% of journals in your field. Your paper has been chosen as the best example of research and writing that we have seen in the 40 years that we have been publishing. In fact, the three reviewers of your paper have all decided to cite your paper in their own current research. Please send us more of your research papers asap as we can't wait to review and accept more of your brilliant writing!
Oh, and your six-figure check is in the mail!